025 -- [Action || Voice]

[endgames]

[When Shikamaru heads down to Asuma's apartment Monday morning, he finds it empty of everything but Kurenai's things and a silver lighter standing on the table. It's wrong, but he doesn't give in to the false hope.

Of course it would stay. Even though Shikamaru gave it back to him, the lighter stopped being Asuma's the moment he picked it off his dying body.

Kurenai must've stepped out before it happened. She's a ninja, and not so senseless to have left the door wide open and run off in her grief. And so he waits for her, and tries to find his words.

After he leaves Kurenai, he has to tell Ino. Team 8 he'll find in person too - he has a request for them on top of this. It's been too long since they've heard a stir from their enemies.]

[It's well past midnight before an announcement comes, after he's made this post and spent a few hours going over the discussions there. When people are either busy with the information he gave them, or asleep.

He smokes a cigarette on his way back to his apartment in the night air, putting it out before he steps into the building, his posture falsely relaxed until he steps into his own room.]

Sarutobi Asuma is gone. [There's a pause and- no, he doesn't think it was mentioned.] Also, Haruno Sakura returned to her world a few weeks ago, for anyone who knew her.

Funnily enough, I haven't seen that masked Akatsuki guy in a while either...

[Too many people to filter that too. It's vague enough, but anyone who needs to know should get what he means. It would have been better news if he'd known before.

He'll answer journal comments in the morning.]

Comments

[endgames]

Hidan's? Or Asuma's?

[generalflirt]

I'm sure you killed or as good as killed Hidan. I meant Asuma.

[endgames]

[He tilts his head - yes, Masaomi would be right about that. ...he wonders if that's just a good guess, or if he knows about the other thing.]

Then in part, yes. I'd say by about twenty percent.

[generalflirt]

Hoooh. Maybe that makes more sense in context, because that's a lot higher than where I'd put it.

[endgames]

[Well it's not like he was there. Shikamaru glances at his reflection in the lighter and switches hands.]

[generalflirt]

Because one way you could see it, [...This is going to be something which might damage this friendship. It's possible this is pushing the guy too far. Shikamaru's already emoting in a way which is alien to him.

...Oh well] It's 100% Asuma-san's.

[endgames]

[Wrong move. His breath catches, and his eyes flash like brandy set on fire. He's about two seconds from leaving, too.]

1/3

[generalflirt]

[Probably. If he feels fear (he does, and for the moment he's glad Linda isn't reacting) hidden by his own eyes and his expression going very, very flat. He's not good with speeches. He prefers to make jabs, and he prefers to simply get things out. But... He stands now, saying the rest of this pointedly and in the same chain of thought]

From the same perspective that you bear responsibility for that middle aged dead guy, or in an even more sensible way for how Katara bears responsibility for Temari-chan. As the leader, a son of a "hero," it's his mission, his calls, and his demise coming of the actions he chose to make. That said, it's probably the wrong way to see it. I'd just blame that Hidan bastard 100% and see him dead.

[...slowly, he starts to walk away first. Shuffling to the side. But he tries to not have his gaze leave Shikamaru's. He tries to keep an even tone]

...But frankly, Asuma-san isn't my concern. I shouldn't be making conjecture about something which isn't. It's merely that you are, Shikamaru. A comrade who I love dearly. A man I'd tear down the sky for, if I'm to be poetic. And...

[generalflirt]

[...And he closes his eyes to break the contact. He tilts his head to the side. He's tired. He's so beyond tired and frustrated and with no one to blame. The woman he loves is suffering. The man who he... the man who he values more than anyone else in Luceti is suffering too.

...More than anyone else.

...More than anyone else. Would he be okay if Shikamaru vanished tomorrow and he were left alone with Katara? Maybe. Would be be okay with the reverse? No. Would be fall apart entirely with the reverse? Probably. But would he ultimately, truly, in his heart, come to the conclusion he's thinking now?

No, without Katara he would be miserable. Without Shikamaru, he would be lost.]

And... you are my best friend, Shikamaru.

[generalflirt]

[I'm sorry, Mikado. You can have me back in Ikebukuro when I'm finally back there, and I'll still fight for you. But right now, this is more my home than Tokyo.]

I've said enough for tonight. We both need sleep.

1/2

[endgames]

[It's amazing how fast he comes down from that anger. One moment it's almost blinding, and the next...

The next he has nothing to stand on. It's the emotional whiplash of a yo-yo, and it's nauseating. Nothing clever comes to mind- no, rather no words at all. The looks on his face is purely stunned.

Why would you do that?]

[endgames]

[His vision slides off to the side when Masaomi's finished, trying to categorize this, but he can't. It's the yo-yo again; he's so angry he could spit, but so (stupidly) treasured by the same man that he doesn't know if he can do anything about it.

And again, he's aware of how he's bringing his own problems down on him. He hadn't meant to - it's probably Masaomi's own fault for attaching himself like a rocket launcher. But he just wants to fix it, like he fixed things after Asuma died, but he can't even do that.

Numbly, he pulls himself to his feet too, like an old man afraid of creaking bones. He puts himself in Masaomi's path.]

[generalflirt]

[...Ah, you're standing. You're in his path.

What will you do now, Shikamaru?

Masaomi's in his cast, so frankly, he can't really do much]

[endgames]

[For a moment, he does nothing. His shoulders are sagged like the energy is sucked right out of him, other than the grip he maintains on the lighter.

It's strange how absence can feel like presence. If he turned around now, he'd be more surprised not to see Asuma there than he would an empty space in the living room. He focuses very hard on Masaomi's feet instead.

I miss you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm still going to keep my promise, and I won't let you down.

But I have to focus on the living first.

And so it's the living he speaks to.]

...I'll make this up to you.

[There's a "but" there, so don't say anything else.]

[generalflirt]

[Ah. You're so raw, Shikamaru. Masaomi, privately, wonders if he would look like this if someone precious to him vanished. He wonders if he looked this frantic when Saki did. Or when Mikado did. If he would look like this if Shikamaru or Katara died.

Probably. He keeps an even expression]

[endgames]

He's everything I wanted to be. [Asuma, that is. And his smile is a little watery, and a little cracked.]

If you want to cut me down, fine. I don't get it... [never got it when his dad did it, but apparently it's effective, so who cares for fragility] ...especially after all that, that you said.

But don't use him against me again. I don't think I could forgive even you twice for that.

[generalflirt]

Good, because I hated that.

[People need to break, need to shatter before they can be reborn. They need to destroy their preconceived notions and values before they can accept something which is grander, something which exists beyond the world that they've invented for themselves.

"Masaomi Kida" is no longer the general of the Yellow Scarves.
"Masaomi Kida" is no longer the failed son of Yori Kida.
"Masaomi Kida" is no longer a "bad boy" you warn girls away from.
"Masaomo Kida" is no longer so fragile, so weak, so irresponsible.

He owes it all to a shattering. He owes it all to the build up and love he's received here, and to the courage he thrust into himself following his world collapsing around him. He owes to to Saki breaking his heart, to being rejected by Katara, and to killing her. He owes this strength of a giant mountain of failures and lies - not ones he learned from necessarily, but ones he survived. He owes it to Sokka, and to Katara, and to others.

He takes a step forward and wraps the one arm he can use around his best friend, his own voice faltering somewhat. Cracking]

And I'm sorry I felt I needed to make my point like that.

[endgames]

[He already forgave him once for that; he doesn't think he can say it again. He tucks his head down, though, until the crown of it is pressed against Masaomi's good shoulder. Lets the anger subside, and lets him know its fine.

Shikamaru hasn't shattered yet, but it's a crack. A large one straight across his heart, and it's seeping something he's not sure he wants to understand, something more than grief.

But this feels okay, though. He can fix it with this. With Naruto, and Ino, and everyone else here. With Katara, and now with Masaomi.]