032 -- [Voice || Action]

[endgames]

[A ninja walks into the bar.

Okay, that's getting ahead of the story. Let's backtrack then. Not too far. Everything he's been through in the past two weeks doesn't need to be said. At least, this isn't the place for it. What's important to mention is that on March 27, Nara Shikamaru left Luceti, gone back to home and to war. He returned on the same day and got thrown into another, and coming back to day-to-day life in this village after has felt almost unreal.

It's been nearly two weeks, but it wasn't until today that any of it definitively sunk in. All of the deaths. Everything they've lost - that he's lost. That the fighting is over, even if the war isn't.

You wouldn't think moving on with your life would be the scariest thing about that.]

[Voice]

Yo. [The greeting comes after he's gotten a grip on himself, so lackadaisical you wouldn't know the difference.] Some of you might've noticed that old pizza place was being remodeled. It's taking longer than I thought, but I've been working on turning it into a convenience store since November. It can probably open soon.

I'm gonna stock it with the basics. Milk, bread... staples like that for when no one wants to walk all the way to the grocery. So what snacks and drinks do you guys want? I'm not going to the trouble of getting things it turns out no one likes. That way, they'll just sit on the shelf to collect grease and dust. That's gross.

[He waves lazily, like he gave up on the motion halfway through, and reaches over to switch the feed.] Lemme know.

[Filtered to Trafalgar Law || Unhackable]

Hey. Got what you asked of me too.

[/end Voice]

[Several hours later... A ninja walks into a bar, and for the first time orders not Mountain Dew, but Genshu sake. A whole bottle.

Convincing himself to drink is more difficult than ordering it, however. Shikamaru sits at the bar for a while, spending more time staring into his cup than lifting it to his mouth. It's not like he's in a rush. He made a point not to tell anyone what he was up to, just that he would be back late and would get dinner on his own. Eventually though, he does get to drinking. It's a lot easier once he's started, and he loosens up. He won't be at the bar long after that, called away on an errand which leads him down toward House 22.

(ooc: threads with Law and Masaomi will be canonically last for this part)

The next day... he has a hangover. And it sucks. 8|

But he has people to talk to. Sakura and Asuma are both on his list, if they're home. Ino is last, and not without Chouji to go with him. Anyone else in the building is welcome to run into him on this day too, of course.]

Comments

[endgames]

[There's no change in expression - he's watched Asuma intently this whole time. Because of that, perhaps, you can tell it's the answer he expected. He forces one corner of his mouth to turn up, though the smile doesn't meet his eyes.]

Standard motto of shinobi. Right?

[Yes, it's the response he was anticipating. Just not the one he wanted.]

[lastsmoke]

Unfortunately.

[ Because try as he might, he cant think of a different way that wasn't more destructive in the long run. ]

[endgames]

[He pops his neck and makes himself more comfortable, leaning so his elbows are on the table. His eyes dart to the side. After thinking it over for a second...]

And how long did that take? To be okay with that.

[lastsmoke]

It took a while. It's not really something you can just get over. [ He's still not sure he's 'okay' with it, all things considered. ]

[endgames]

[He tilts his head to the left, then back. Yeah, that... makes his sense. Using the only death of a loved one he's experienced up until that, that of the man across from him... he can't say at all that he's okay with it. Even now.

Especially now. Still.]

Adjusted, then.

[That's the better word.]

[lastsmoke]

Yeah, that's a good way to put it. [ He nods mostly to himself, thoughtful. ]

But...yeah, it's definitely something that takes a while. [ This line of questioning was worrisome, however. It wasn't the kind of question that came from nowhere, it was something you asked if something similar had happened.

So he decides to ask. He's not going to demand an answer, because if Shikamaru wants to answer he can. If he diverts the question, avoids it, well...he's not going to push the matter. It wouldn't be right. ]

These questions...did something happen?

[endgames]

[He decided last night, somewhere in the drunken stupor, that he wants to move forward from this. Get stronger for it, if not for his sake than for everyone. And for his dad.

Waking up... that's a lot easier said than done. About the only thing he has figured out is to be open about what happened. There's not much pause, but he tilts his head and looks off to the side.]

Pops died in the war.

[lastsmoke]

Ah. [ He goes quiet, his eyes turning to the wall, a frown tugging down the corners of his mouth. So this was what Chouji meant, this was what they hadn't known. He has to wonder, what this meant for the others. Who else had died? Who else would? Ino and Shikamaru don't know--Did this mean that one of Ino's family had passed, too?

He seems to decide what he wants to say, and with a small nod he looks back to Shikamaru. It wouldn't be a 'sorry for your loss'. Because something like that...he knew well it wouldn't do anything to help. There was very little that would. ]

I'm here, if you ever need to talk about it. [ Even if it was just to remember the past. ]

[endgames]

I know. [It's not even followed by the semi-better 'for now' that sometimes accompanies it in his head. He forces a smile.] I'm not sitting in your kitchen for nothing.

[lastsmoke]

Ah, yeah, I suppose this isn't just a casual visit.

Sob, I love the art that icon's from

[endgames]

[He shakes his head.] Though I should probably make more of those too...

Saaame ;;; I'm trying to make another icon with both halves in it, but gimp is being a butt

[lastsmoke]

That makes two of us.

Curse you 100x100 size limits... /shakes fist!

[endgames]

[It makes him feel ashamed to think about it, but if Asuma had shown up at his door in the last week, Shikamaru knows he would have made excuses not to be around.

It hits him like a rock to the gut, knowing both that and what a hard time his sensei must be having. He's come back not just once, but twice now. Dealt with death and missed Kurenai twice over. It's okay to focus on yourself for a while - and he needed to. He doesn't regret needing to.

But he's not the only one going through tough times. While he was taking so long to deal with his problems, people dear to him have been suffering too. He won't lie and say he wasn't ignoring it, but it's something he wants to help now instead of let it continue on like that.]

It's something you can start tomorrow, if you're up for it.

[lastsmoke]

[ He wouldn't have faulted Shikamaru for that, not then, and especially not now, knowing just what had happened back home--what was still happening. How many more deaths were to happen? It was something he didn't want to think about, because war was war was war, and his students were fighting on the front lines. ]

I think I'll take you up on that.

[ He'd hoped to work through everything on his own so as not to burden those around him. Because these things had already affected his students a great deal, hadn't they? His death alone had been something they had to work through twice now. So he had tried to act like he was alright while he worked through things himself. Even when Luceti threw the things he'd been denying right back at him, he only ever showed the tip of the iceberg.

It had been, all in all, a poor choice. Instead of working through his problems, he ended up dwelling on them. Instead of moving on, he couldn't seem to get them out of his head. Kurenai, all the things he left behind, all the things he was going to miss out on, all the things his child would miss out on because of something that couldn't be changed, his team...

He knows, that it would have been better had he at least sought them out. He knows that strength isn't just in relying on yourself, and yet it had been such an easy pit to sink into, and before he even realized he'd been neck deep with no way of pulling himself out.

But it was a pit he didn't want to remain stuck in, and a pit he doesn't want to see Shikamaru inadvertently fall into, either. ]

Thanks.