Appointment's Post II

[endgames]

This post is for threading with Shikamaru anytime and anywhere. It can be used for action tags or the ping feature on journals (voice or written) to get in contact with him for personal conversations. This will be used primarily for anything that you don't feel like would take place in a regular log or post.

Note: When making a new thread, please title it like such:

[Action, January 3rd]
[Voice, March 8th]
[Written, June 11th]

Old appointment's post can be found here.

Comments

[August 6]

[alloys]

Like hell you will. Your wishes became invalid the second you decided to keep this from me.

[ What was so hard for him to get about it? If he had come to Tony sooner, he could have saved her. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe -

Dammit. Goddammit. ]

[August 6]

[endgames]

[Angrily, he points a finger at his father's face, stomping back in the room.]

And you lost yours when you divorced her, and dumped us like we were old news!

[August 6]

[alloys]

[ Tony pales. If he wasn't absolutely livid before, he is now.

He moves, crossing the room until he's just inches away from Shikamaru, cold anger practically radiating off of him. ]

How dare you. [ His tone is icily quiet. ] You think you have it all figured out, that you're a man, but you're not. You're still a scared kid, too childish to see what he doesn't want to.

[August 6]

[endgames]

[Dropping his hand back to his side, never has Shikamaru been more grateful that he ended up lean and tall, unlike his uncle and father. He feels small, standing in front of his dad like this, and that's just eye-to-eye.

Shikamaru is a coward, but for once in his life he'll stand his ground.]

I am scared. But you know what? I'll figure that out too, like I've had to figure out everything before on my own.

[August 6]

[alloys]

You wouldn't have had to - [ his voice was pointed, jagged ] - if you would have just let me help you.

[August 6]

[endgames]

[Until you change your mind? That's what he wants to say. What comes out is the same sentiment, with a lot more personal weakness.]

Why do you want to help me? [He expects the obvious answer, but doesn't know what would hurt more: getting it, or getting reasoning that's anything but it.] You didn't before! Why do you only care now?

[August 6]

[alloys]

[ He stiffens at that accusation. He would almost laugh if it didn't hurt so much. ]

You don't think I cared before? [ His chest feels too tight to breathe. ] You're my son.

[August 6]

[endgames]

[It's an ache, almost physical and just behind the ribbed cage. Like being crushed from the outside in. His teeth clench so hard the sound is audible, but he's gripping onto anger that's dissolving in his hands and visibly losing the battle.

All those times his dad would never call, or visit. Ask about him, when they hadn't spoken in months. The note in his voice the few times they did, as if going through the motions. The look on his face when he declined dinner invitations, like dodging a bullet. Always "the boys", never "your brothers".

Maybe this hurts less than it would have, had he said something else, but this still smarts some. Teeth still clenched as they are, the words would be hard to make out if not for how quiet it got.]

You never act like it.

[August 6]

[alloys]

[ He knew it was true, but it still hurt, because there was still some selfish part of him that had hoped that Shikamaru would give him a free pass just for being his father. But he's quickly realizing that blood might not actually be thicker than water, and any measure of success he thought he might have had with his first son was nothing more than him lying to himself.

He swallows. Maybe he owed him the truth, as much as it hurt to say it. ]

I never knew how.

[August 6]

[endgames]

[If there's any reasonability left in his thoughts, then he knows how hard that must've been to admit. But how do you respond to that? He has nothing, and Tony's confession is met with awkward silence as Shikamaru's shoulders sag, the fight draining out of him.

A kid playing like an adult again, as Tony more or less described it, he's trying to pull his emotions out of this and circle back to dignified. His attempts are met with failure; a not-quite-whine and eyes that are a bit too watery. Some combination of lost and miserable.]

Can I go now?

[August 6]

[alloys]

[ He didn't have anything else to say. What could he say? 'I'm sorry'? What was the point of that now? ]

You don't need my permission for that. [ Tony turns to walk back to his desk, still shaking. ]

[August 6]

[endgames]

[As if there were no spine in him, he stands there for a moment longer. Watching his father go back to his desk (and he's trembling) like he's waiting for something, or has something final to say himself.

Nothing happens. Nothing happens and he gives up.

He turns to exit without a word, walking past the employees who'd lined up at the door to eavesdrop as if they didn't exist.]