![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
032 -- [Voice || Action]
[A ninja walks into the bar.
Okay, that's getting ahead of the story. Let's backtrack then. Not too far. Everything he's been through in the past two weeks doesn't need to be said. At least, this isn't the place for it. What's important to mention is that on March 27, Nara Shikamaru left Luceti, gone back to home and to war. He returned on the same day and got thrown into another, and coming back to day-to-day life in this village after has felt almost unreal.
It's been nearly two weeks, but it wasn't until today that any of it definitively sunk in. All of the deaths. Everything they've lost - that he's lost. That the fighting is over, even if the war isn't.
You wouldn't think moving on with your life would be the scariest thing about that.]
[Voice]
Yo. [The greeting comes after he's gotten a grip on himself, so lackadaisical you wouldn't know the difference.] Some of you might've noticed that old pizza place was being remodeled. It's taking longer than I thought, but I've been working on turning it into a convenience store since November. It can probably open soon.
I'm gonna stock it with the basics. Milk, bread... staples like that for when no one wants to walk all the way to the grocery. So what snacks and drinks do you guys want? I'm not going to the trouble of getting things it turns out no one likes. That way, they'll just sit on the shelf to collect grease and dust. That's gross.
[He waves lazily, like he gave up on the motion halfway through, and reaches over to switch the feed.] Lemme know.
[Filtered to Trafalgar Law || Unhackable]
Hey. Got what you asked of me too.
[/end Voice]
[Several hours later... A ninja walks into a bar, and for the first time orders not Mountain Dew, but Genshu sake. A whole bottle.
Convincing himself to drink is more difficult than ordering it, however. Shikamaru sits at the bar for a while, spending more time staring into his cup than lifting it to his mouth. It's not like he's in a rush. He made a point not to tell anyone what he was up to, just that he would be back late and would get dinner on his own. Eventually though, he does get to drinking. It's a lot easier once he's started, and he loosens up. He won't be at the bar long after that, called away on an errand which leads him down toward House 22.
(ooc: threads with Law and Masaomi will be canonically last for this part)
The next day... he has a hangover. And it sucks. 8|
But he has people to talk to. Sakura and Asuma are both on his list, if they're home. Ino is last, and not without Chouji to go with him. Anyone else in the building is welcome to run into him on this day too, of course.]
Okay, that's getting ahead of the story. Let's backtrack then. Not too far. Everything he's been through in the past two weeks doesn't need to be said. At least, this isn't the place for it. What's important to mention is that on March 27, Nara Shikamaru left Luceti, gone back to home and to war. He returned on the same day and got thrown into another, and coming back to day-to-day life in this village after has felt almost unreal.
It's been nearly two weeks, but it wasn't until today that any of it definitively sunk in. All of the deaths. Everything they've lost - that he's lost. That the fighting is over, even if the war isn't.
You wouldn't think moving on with your life would be the scariest thing about that.]
[Voice]
Yo. [The greeting comes after he's gotten a grip on himself, so lackadaisical you wouldn't know the difference.] Some of you might've noticed that old pizza place was being remodeled. It's taking longer than I thought, but I've been working on turning it into a convenience store since November. It can probably open soon.
I'm gonna stock it with the basics. Milk, bread... staples like that for when no one wants to walk all the way to the grocery. So what snacks and drinks do you guys want? I'm not going to the trouble of getting things it turns out no one likes. That way, they'll just sit on the shelf to collect grease and dust. That's gross.
[He waves lazily, like he gave up on the motion halfway through, and reaches over to switch the feed.] Lemme know.
[Filtered to Trafalgar Law || Unhackable]
Hey. Got what you asked of me too.
[/end Voice]
[Several hours later... A ninja walks into a bar, and for the first time orders not Mountain Dew, but Genshu sake. A whole bottle.
Convincing himself to drink is more difficult than ordering it, however. Shikamaru sits at the bar for a while, spending more time staring into his cup than lifting it to his mouth. It's not like he's in a rush. He made a point not to tell anyone what he was up to, just that he would be back late and would get dinner on his own. Eventually though, he does get to drinking. It's a lot easier once he's started, and he loosens up. He won't be at the bar long after that, called away on an errand which leads him down toward House 22.
(ooc: threads with Law and Masaomi will be canonically last for this part)
The next day... he has a hangover. And it sucks. 8|
But he has people to talk to. Sakura and Asuma are both on his list, if they're home. Ino is last, and not without Chouji to go with him. Anyone else in the building is welcome to run into him on this day too, of course.]
no subject
When the Third passed... [It comes out at once both hushed, and loud to his ears. His eyes flicker away from the tabletop, and back to his teacher's face.] What was it like for you?
no subject
His father... ]
Aah, it was difficult to accept. We had never seen eye to eye, and always ended up butting heads because of it. [ He leans back, looking to the ceiling. ] But it was hard to believe he was gone, and harder still when I finally understood him. [ Because by then it was too late to fix things, to mend a relationship he'd never put the effort into fixing. ]
no subject
Asuma's last words. The ones not directed at the three of them. He wonders, then, if his sensei means that time, or something else that happened before it. Doesn't ask, because that is treading somewhere a little past personal. Better to focus on the bare bones of it.
They're not so different. Only just enough for it to count. Shikamaru can't claim to have had the best relationship with his father, but they did have a relationship. One built more on respect and silent advising than affection. Heavier than any of that, they had closure. He never thought about it deeply until now, but it's true that that's more Asuma than the Third ever got. For all the losses he's taken in the past year, he's realizing now he should be grateful. He got to say goodbye to his teacher, to his dad... that's more than Asuma got. That's more than Lee got. More than most of the families that were probably as torn as his back on that battlefield, too.
It's an endless circle in his head, a thought process that didn't get flushed out with the rest in the drink last night. He should be happy. He should be thankful. And it's not like he isn't, but it still hurts, and he doesn't...
...he shakes his head, barely perceptible.]
What'd you do about it...?
[He sounds unsure even then, aware of the futility of the question.]
no subject
What had he done about it? The answer was simple enough to answer; he had done nothing. He'd continued on living and working and fighting, just with the added, unacknowledged weight of his fathers passing added into the mix. It was something he'd never really bothered to address, either. At least not until near the end of his own life, while alone with his father's grave. Because what was there to say before then? Asuma had never had any regrets about how he had lived his life, because the way he saw it, his choices--even the ones that drove him away from his father--had made him who he was, and he wasn't about to dwell on it. To regret not making things better. To regret not having been there to help the old man when things had got rough.
So he had simply carried the weight without paying it much mind, always reminding himself that death was a part of their way of life. That loss was something he was and should always be prepared for, and that he should face it with a cool head and a steady heart.
Finally, he looks back to Shikamaru. ]
I kept on living.
no subject
Standard motto of shinobi. Right?
[Yes, it's the response he was anticipating. Just not the one he wanted.]
no subject
[ Because try as he might, he cant think of a different way that wasn't more destructive in the long run. ]
no subject
And how long did that take? To be okay with that.
no subject
no subject
Especially now. Still.]
Adjusted, then.
[That's the better word.]
no subject
But...yeah, it's definitely something that takes a while. [ This line of questioning was worrisome, however. It wasn't the kind of question that came from nowhere, it was something you asked if something similar had happened.
So he decides to ask. He's not going to demand an answer, because if Shikamaru wants to answer he can. If he diverts the question, avoids it, well...he's not going to push the matter. It wouldn't be right. ]
These questions...did something happen?
no subject
Waking up... that's a lot easier said than done. About the only thing he has figured out is to be open about what happened. There's not much pause, but he tilts his head and looks off to the side.]
Pops died in the war.
no subject
He seems to decide what he wants to say, and with a small nod he looks back to Shikamaru. It wouldn't be a 'sorry for your loss'. Because something like that...he knew well it wouldn't do anything to help. There was very little that would. ]
I'm here, if you ever need to talk about it. [ Even if it was just to remember the past. ]
no subject
no subject
Sob, I love the art that icon's from
Saaame ;;; I'm trying to make another icon with both halves in it, but gimp is being a butt
Curse you 100x100 size limits... /shakes fist!
It hits him like a rock to the gut, knowing both that and what a hard time his sensei must be having. He's come back not just once, but twice now. Dealt with death and missed Kurenai twice over. It's okay to focus on yourself for a while - and he needed to. He doesn't regret needing to.
But he's not the only one going through tough times. While he was taking so long to deal with his problems, people dear to him have been suffering too. He won't lie and say he wasn't ignoring it, but it's something he wants to help now instead of let it continue on like that.]
It's something you can start tomorrow, if you're up for it.
no subject
I think I'll take you up on that.
[ He'd hoped to work through everything on his own so as not to burden those around him. Because these things had already affected his students a great deal, hadn't they? His death alone had been something they had to work through twice now. So he had tried to act like he was alright while he worked through things himself. Even when Luceti threw the things he'd been denying right back at him, he only ever showed the tip of the iceberg.
It had been, all in all, a poor choice. Instead of working through his problems, he ended up dwelling on them. Instead of moving on, he couldn't seem to get them out of his head. Kurenai, all the things he left behind, all the things he was going to miss out on, all the things his child would miss out on because of something that couldn't be changed, his team...
He knows, that it would have been better had he at least sought them out. He knows that strength isn't just in relying on yourself, and yet it had been such an easy pit to sink into, and before he even realized he'd been neck deep with no way of pulling himself out.
But it was a pit he didn't want to remain stuck in, and a pit he doesn't want to see Shikamaru inadvertently fall into, either. ]
Thanks.